(Barely) Working Title: How to retire in your twenties

The last two weeks have been a hive of activity! Two family birthdays to celebrate (Stephen and Anthony), a whistle stop tour of Hamilton to see the mighty All Blacks and our good friends at Good George brewing, not to mention a few late nights at work and dinners well after 11pm. It’s been non-stop and we’ve been longing for a lazy night in with pizza, wine and some cuddles from our dog friends in front of the fire. Friday 13th seemed the perfect opportunity - not that we’re superstitious, but we’ll take any arbitrary excuse! (Plus any steps that we can take to avoid being brutally hacked to death by a hockey-mask clad psychopath seems like a good idea to me).

Since it had been a challenging one for Lewis at NZTE (read “a week of tight deadlines and some pretty spectacular last minute miracles at work”), we arrived home around 9pm after the obligatory it’s-been-a-hell-of-a-week Friday beers to an eerily empty house. With the lights on but nobody home, we were a little bemused as to the whereabouts of the Ashworth clan... but were subsequently greeted by Olly and Lucy (pooch pals) and a note from Lynda saying they’d headed to the Cosy Club for a couple of the aforementioned Friday drinks too.

Mystery solved, we proceeded with our pizza plans and cracked open the red. About an hour later, we were merrily engrossed in idle conversation about some throwaway TV show. We barely noticed a tall and unsuspecting figure creep forward from the shadows...

Thankfully it was only Chris, though he was looking a little worse for wear - almost like he hadn’t slept for days. Exhausted but content, he happily announced the birth of his new baby boy. Baby Ashworth had arrived 3pm that afternoon! We congratulated the beaming new dad and he regaled us with the turbulent tale of his baby’s birth. As the due date (7th September) had been and gone, he’d taken Rose to the hospital on Thursday for a scan and the doctors had decided it would be safest to induce her that day. The birth was pretty tough going and hardly the casual affair that Rose had in mind (“I’ll just go to the hospital and have a bath, done!”). Fittingly, there was perhaps enough blood to make a good slasher movie.

Fortunately baby had arrived small but healthy and mum was doing fine. The parents-to-be had understandably wanted to keep things quiet until after the birth, so we had been oblivious to all the goings on! In fact, I’d made it part of my evening routine to joke with Stephen and Lynda about their tardy grandchild and last night I got the same reply of “not yet!” to my daily question of “no baby then?”. Sneaky bunch!

After the gruesome tale, there was only one question left to answer- what did they name the little fella? No, it’s not what you’re thinking. Though personally I think Jason is a lovely (and appropriate) name. Names have been a contentious issue over the last few months with everyone having their own opinion on what the new member of the family should be called. “Cooper” was a front runner for a while, but Lynda pointed out that regardless of stature she would dub the child “Mini Cooper” if this was chosen. Sadly, Chris and Rose also refuted our suggestion of naming him “Zlatan Heineken” after Chris’ favourite beer and, of course, the footballing legend that is Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Who wouldn’t want their personal motto to be “dare to Zlatan”?

Lachlan James Ashworth was chosen, a wise (and safe) decision overall. As the first-born son, Lachlan bears the middle name “James”, carrying in the tradition of generations of Ashworth men. He was born a teeny 6 lb 9 oz, with beautifully blue eyes and bass player’s fingers. He’s the spit of Chris and we expect he’ll take after his father playing cricket with hands like those. Welcome to the world Lachlan James!

Lewis George

81 chapters

16 Apr 2020

Friday 13th

September 13, 2019

|

The Ashworths’

The last two weeks have been a hive of activity! Two family birthdays to celebrate (Stephen and Anthony), a whistle stop tour of Hamilton to see the mighty All Blacks and our good friends at Good George brewing, not to mention a few late nights at work and dinners well after 11pm. It’s been non-stop and we’ve been longing for a lazy night in with pizza, wine and some cuddles from our dog friends in front of the fire. Friday 13th seemed the perfect opportunity - not that we’re superstitious, but we’ll take any arbitrary excuse! (Plus any steps that we can take to avoid being brutally hacked to death by a hockey-mask clad psychopath seems like a good idea to me).

Since it had been a challenging one for Lewis at NZTE (read “a week of tight deadlines and some pretty spectacular last minute miracles at work”), we arrived home around 9pm after the obligatory it’s-been-a-hell-of-a-week Friday beers to an eerily empty house. With the lights on but nobody home, we were a little bemused as to the whereabouts of the Ashworth clan... but were subsequently greeted by Olly and Lucy (pooch pals) and a note from Lynda saying they’d headed to the Cosy Club for a couple of the aforementioned Friday drinks too.

Mystery solved, we proceeded with our pizza plans and cracked open the red. About an hour later, we were merrily engrossed in idle conversation about some throwaway TV show. We barely noticed a tall and unsuspecting figure creep forward from the shadows...

Thankfully it was only Chris, though he was looking a little worse for wear - almost like he hadn’t slept for days. Exhausted but content, he happily announced the birth of his new baby boy. Baby Ashworth had arrived 3pm that afternoon! We congratulated the beaming new dad and he regaled us with the turbulent tale of his baby’s birth. As the due date (7th September) had been and gone, he’d taken Rose to the hospital on Thursday for a scan and the doctors had decided it would be safest to induce her that day. The birth was pretty tough going and hardly the casual affair that Rose had in mind (“I’ll just go to the hospital and have a bath, done!”). Fittingly, there was perhaps enough blood to make a good slasher movie.

Fortunately baby had arrived small but healthy and mum was doing fine. The parents-to-be had understandably wanted to keep things quiet until after the birth, so we had been oblivious to all the goings on! In fact, I’d made it part of my evening routine to joke with Stephen and Lynda about their tardy grandchild and last night I got the same reply of “not yet!” to my daily question of “no baby then?”. Sneaky bunch!

After the gruesome tale, there was only one question left to answer- what did they name the little fella? No, it’s not what you’re thinking. Though personally I think Jason is a lovely (and appropriate) name. Names have been a contentious issue over the last few months with everyone having their own opinion on what the new member of the family should be called. “Cooper” was a front runner for a while, but Lynda pointed out that regardless of stature she would dub the child “Mini Cooper” if this was chosen. Sadly, Chris and Rose also refuted our suggestion of naming him “Zlatan Heineken” after Chris’ favourite beer and, of course, the footballing legend that is Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Who wouldn’t want their personal motto to be “dare to Zlatan”?

Lachlan James Ashworth was chosen, a wise (and safe) decision overall. As the first-born son, Lachlan bears the middle name “James”, carrying in the tradition of generations of Ashworth men. He was born a teeny 6 lb 9 oz, with beautifully blue eyes and bass player’s fingers. He’s the spit of Chris and we expect he’ll take after his father playing cricket with hands like those. Welcome to the world Lachlan James!



1.

The first trip: Miranda to Thames

2.

Land of the Long, White Cloud

3.

Backyard Exploring

4.

Hit the Road, Jack

5.

Under the Weather

6.

The Road of Death?

7.

An Eel called "Eel"

8.

Descent into the Black Abyss...

9.

Everybody's Going Surfing...

10.

Living in a van: is this the real life?

11.

Out with the Old and in with the New (Plymouth)

12.

Walk this Way

13.

The Great Taranaki

14.

The "Forgotten" Highway

15.

Chronicle + Art = Article

16.

Derby Day

17.

Mission Accomplished: Come on you Nix!

18.

The post-Phoenix hangover

19.

The Tongariro Alpine Crossing

20.

Whanganui 2 - This Time it’s Personal

21.

Tui-many puns and Hastings

22.

The Giant Among Us & Bell Rock

23.

Acoustics, Art & A Bloody Cold Sea

24.

Napier Calling

25.

Bridget Jones' Diary - Cheese, Chocolate, Wine

26.

Land and Sea

27.

Mahia-hee, Mahia-hu...

28.

The Gisborne Identity

29.

East Cape Escape

30.

The Long and Winding Road

31.

More or Less Pork.

32.

The Land of the Rising Sun

33.

Hikurangi: Reaching New Heights

34.

Stingray, Stingray!

35.

Bay of Plenty (of Surprises)

36.

Future Reflections

37.

Birthday Part 1 - Going Off Pissed

38.

Birthday Part 2 - Going En Piste

39.

Mid-Winter Christmas

40.

I Get Knocked Down (But I Get Up Again)

41.

Job Hunting: I Need a Dollar, Dollar

42.

Busy Earnin'

43.

Hoppy Daze

44.

Making a House a Home

45.

What to expect when you’re expecting

46.

Bright Lights, Big City

47.

Feeling Each and Every Mile

48.

What to export when you're exporting

49.

Waipapa Marae: An Unexpected Welcome

50.

Tane of the Sky Father

51.

The Boy Most Likely To

52.

Go Rooster!

53.

Friday 13th

54.

Mild Orange, Heavy Chest

55.

Champions of the World

56.

Wild, Wild West (Auckland)

57.

Team Zlatan Heineken

58.

Great Expectations

59.

Un petit rendezvous

60.

Duck Island (sans canards)

61.

It’s Coming Home?

62.

Culture, init?

63.

Sue’s Turtle Garden

64.

New Caledonia - It’s a Rollercoaster (metaphorically)

65.

It’s gone abroad...

66.

Future Me Hates Me

67.

“You can’t beat Wellington on a sunny day”

68.

Te Papa Tongarewa: New Zealand’s Treasure Chest

69.

Island in the Sun

70.

Wine on Waiheke

71.

I'm Dreaming of a Really Sunny and Warm as Hell Christmas

72.

A Visitor!

73.

New Year, New Zealand

74.

Worm-tomo

75.

A Vicious Cycle

76.

Tongario 2.0: This time it's actually visible

77.

Wow Nature, you furry

78.

Whakarewarewa: Living Māori Vilage

79.

Ain't No Mountain...

80.

Hot Rodders & Hotter Weather

81.

North Shore, Not Sure

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