Dubbo

Upon arrival in Dubbo, when you step off the propeller plane (it's too far from anything to drive to) you will be greeted by the crisp smell of country air (mixture of cow sh*t and disappointment).

The drive to town is spectacular. First you pass the juvenile detention centre and half demolished derelict houses of the Gordon estate. Next up on the tour is the railway bridge that crosses the beautiful Macquarie River, the scene of possibly one of the funniest videos on Youtube (Google: "Bruce" and "fire truck" - you're welcome).

Next up is obviously the Taronga Western Plains Zoo. The best way to see the zoo is by bike. I suggest you visit over the summer months where temperatures are a delightful and constantly fluctuate between a low of 30 and a high of 45 degrees.

After your first big day sightseeing, check into the guest house at Lakeside Circuit - the pool is delightful! The house has a glorious border collie named Foohy Perfect Osborne. He is obedient, not needy (i.e. hover around his owners feet at all times). Rules dog club and is generally an all round top bloke.

Stay in for dinner, picking up your supplies from the local Woolies, or if you'd like to venture out to town, the Castlereagh Hotel will burn your lamb cutlets. Twice.

Start day 2 with a great breakfast. Then head out to the airport and fly home. You're done.