Tenaciously Missional: My Journey from Peace and Comfort to Something New

Traveling is something that I not only enjoy, but it’s something that I am passionate about. Since graduating high school I’ve left home many times, several of those journeys taking me out of the country. Each time that I am preparing for my next journey I get anxious, nervous and excited all at once. I was not without fear, but the fear was never about the places I was going but rather all the great things I would leave behind and miss out on at home. There is a certain amount of sacrifice that has to be made to follow your passions and dreams and mine is leaving the people I love. It’s not always been easy but so far I have always found it to be worth it. Some of the places I have been so far are Jamaica, Spain, Guatemala and El

Salvador. Jamaica, Guatemala and El Salvador were all for missions. I spent two weeks in Jamaica, and one month in both Guatemala and El Salvador. Jamaica was a shorter trip, so I was more in the mood of go with the flow during my time there. Of course it was an amazing experience being my first missions trip out of the country, but I didn't feel I had enough time to really feel any deep struggle or even homesickness.
Then my freshman year of college at ORU, I had the opportunity to study abroad. Some people advised me not to because I was a freshman, but thankfully I also had people in my life that encouraged me to chase my dreams. Traveling to Spain was a dream of mine since I was about 10 years old. My parents went on a missions trip there, and when they came back and told us about it I wanted to go myself. I chose to study in the city of Valencia. It was by far one of the most daring and best decisions that I made during my time at ORU. Much of my family is from Mexico, but our ancestry traces back to Spain. So, being there and learning all of the history and seeing a lot of it first hand was incredible. I felt that even though I was in a whole new world I still found several things that I found connections with; whether it was people, culture, food or history. I absolutely loved it. I was always familiar with the language because of my family and the studies that I did, but being there and being fully

immersed pushed me and I improved so quickly. I fell in love with the language and before returning to ORU I decided to change my major to Spanish so that I could continue to study the language. Being in Spain for a semester was not without struggles, but for the most part I quickly felt at home and I felt that I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. I had always had a desire to travel, but after being in Spain for a semester it sparked my passion for language and made me desire to see more and do more.
Upon coming back to ORU, I immediately decided that I was going to sign up for ORU missions. My dream is to one day either run a ministry or work with a ministry that puts together short term missions teams of young people to go serve long term missionaries in other countries. I want my desire to travel and desire for the Lord to impact my life and the lives of those I will meet, and I want other people to have the same experience. Fortunately, ORU does that very thing. Sends young people on a short term mission to help the long term missionaries. Signing up, my top choices were all Spanish speaking countries. I wanted to use the language in ministry, and that's one reason why I changed my major; I want to travel and share God’s love without a translator. Theres something about sharing a common language that helps in building deeper relationships and that’s what I

want. Soon after signing up, I was placed on the Guatemala Water team. I spent one month in Guatemala that summer with my team and again it was not without it’s difficulties but I knew I was in the right place. I never had a specific moment on the trip that was super impactful or I didn't have a specific experience that happened that I could share with someone that changed my life. For me it was that from the moment that we arrived and started serving and getting to know the people until the moment we said our goodbyes and returned to Tulsa, I felt at home and I felt at peace. I felt that I was right where I belonged and right where God wanted me and I felt that God was giving tastes of my dreams. I was very confident that I was on the right path and heading in the right direction.
The following year when it was about that time to sign up for missions again at ORU I had several people encouraging me to sign up to be a missions leader. Personally, I did agree that it would be a great idea being that it was basically an opportunity to do with ORU what I wanted to do with my life. I prayed about it and I was very excited about it. Of course, the countries I chose to apply for were all Spanish speaking because I thought that was a very useful and practical choice. I was so ready to step into this role I was applying

for. For me it was like taking the next step into my calling. It was something I was passionate about, and I wanted my team to have a great experience and feel all the things I felt on my trips. I’m not one to get my hopes up too high, but this time my hopes were higher than ever. I really felt like this was the next thing God had for me. I wasn't doing this just for fun, I was ready to take the next step in my life calling. However, things did not go as planned. I received that lovely email explaining how the decision was hard and that there were many good applicants and that they hoped we would still want to be in missions even though we were turned down. Normally, when I am rejected I feel it for a moment and move on, but this time it was different. It actually really hurt. I didn't understand why something that I knew God was calling me to would be taken away from me by the very people that I thought would push me to reach that calling. I remember crying in my room because the rejection stung so bad. I felt like God was teasing me. It did not take away my desire to go on missions though. My plan was to try to return to Guatemala with ORU with the attitude that this was happening for a reason. Late that same night that I found out I didn’t get the position, I was presented with a different opportunity. I thought “Dang, God just worked hecka fast.”
When I first arrived to Spain my freshman year to study abroad, I had an aunt, uncle and little cousin who were missionaries in Madrid. They picked me up at the Madrid airport and I spent a few days with them and was able to see some of the work they were doing there. After finishing their assigned mission of a couple years in Madrid, they felt God calling them to serve in El Salvador. During the time I had signed up for a missions TL or ATL position, they had already been living in El Salvador for a few months. That very night that I found out I would not have the opportunity to lead I was presented with the opportunity to live with them and work in their church ministries, street evangelism and a school. Let me tell you, my tears dried up real quick. This would be a whole new experience for me. Instead of being part of a team, being instructed as a team, doing work as a team and going to bed to wake up and start again the next day, I would get a chance to live in with and see the normal and everyday life of a full-time missionary; a whole new perspective. Also, I would be able to help guide some of the short term teams that would be going to El Salvador while I was there. I especially felt honored to help a team that went that came from my own church district back home.
Arriving in Santa Ana, El Salvador, I almost immediately felt at home, much like when I went to Guatemala. Working in the school was so great. The majority of the time at the school I was with kindergarten-aged students. Every morning I went to the open market with my uncle to buy food for two mothers who would then sell it at a mini-snack shack so they could earn some income. I helped with different church events, I preached to the youth, I helped with the evangelism outreaches, I helped with the construction of five different houses and everything else in between. It was not always easy, and I am not one who does well in hot and humid weather, but I felt I was in the right place. I felt I was serving a purpose. I was so

thankful for the opportunity God provided me of working in Santa Ana. If I had my way with ORU missions I would not have been able to do what I did or experience what I experience in El Salvador. On top of that, I drove with my aunt, uncle and cousin across the border to Guatemala and was able to meet up with the friends I had grown close to the previous summer with ORU. I had no desire to go home. I so badly wanted to stay and keep working and being with the people I was growing close to in Santa Ana.
After my summer in El Salvador I knew that was it for me as far as traveling until after I graduate from ORU because in the fall I would be starting my senior year, which means hunkering down and studying and working on senior paper until your eyeballs fall out. However, a new opportunity that I never even would have thought about arrived. Being a Spanish major, there are a lot of elective spots to fill. I think this is why many language majors decide to double

major. I was tired of trying to find random classes that had nothing to do with each other, so I decided to try taking a French course. My reasoning was simple. French is a romance language jus like Spanish so there would be a chance that learning it would be a little more simple, if I liked it, it would be a class that I would be able not only to build off of but also find useful in my life. Knowing another language in the ministry field can only help to open more doors to share The Good News. Plus, if I didn't like it, it would just be more credits to my degree and I could move on to the next thing. Fortunately, I was blessed with an incredible professor who made a super long class something that I actually couldn't wait to go to every Tuesday and Thursday. She truly made me fall in love with learning French. It was something fascinating to my brain, and I felt like my eyes were being opened to a whole new and different kind of light. One day during class, she made a short announcement about a new study abroad program that ORU was putting together in France. At first I did not pay much attention or even care really, because I knew it would be impossible for me to study abroad again and graduate on time. I had studied abroad before, so I knew how it worked; or so I thought. She went on to explain a bit more saying that it would be completely different from other programs ORU has done. I would be taking French courses but could also take courses that I needed. I thought about it for a split second wondering how cool it would be to be taking the classes that I had already planned to take, but instead of being in an old dorm room I would be in an apartment in France. I snuck out my phone in class and texted my dad and said, “Hey, what do you think about me studying abroad again?” more of a joke than anything. However, I have been blessed with extremely supportive parents who have always encouraged me and pushed me towards my dreams. The response I got from my dad was, “Well, if you can graduate on time and if you can do it financially then go for it”. I did not expect that response even though I probably should have! So, I stayed after class to further talk with my professor about this new program. I was so interested and intrigued, so I looked into it and planned out how my semester would look and I decided to go for it.
Unlike studying in Spain, France was never a huge dream of mine and never something I thought I would do while in college. It was not an easy process preparing for the trip and there were several times that things concerning the trip were changed so I thought I would no longer be able to go. I would be starting my senior year , so I had to make sure that whatever I did my finances, grades, and graduating on time were my top priorities. The way the program was set up I would still be able to take my required courses to graduate while being immersed into the French language. Long story a bit shorter, I made it to France. Now I am here and I am so happy, thankful and blessed to be here. However, just like every other trip I have taken, it has not been without it’s difficulties, but this time it has honestly been a lot more difficult than anything that I have done so far. Just getting to France was very difficult, and I thought that once I got here things would start to fall into place. This was not the case. For many of us here the program wasn't quite what we thought it would be. Our schedules were a bit hectic and we didn't really have any full day during the week to do work for our classes, so I and others began to fall behind in our academic work. For me personally, I am normally a well disciplined student. Even dealing with health issues while on campus at ORU I rarely fell behind, so this was a new issue for me and I did not quite know how to handle it. I was, and still am at times, constantly stressed about my course work and grades. Also, this was the first time that I have been to a place where I have felt little to no connection like I did in previous trips. Not having those connections whether it be things like speaking a lot of the language or even having the comfort of familiar food has been tough. There has been so many days that I wish I could get into my car, blast some feel good music and take a drive to my favorite coffee shop and drink the biggest flavored iced coffee drink I could get, which of course is absolutely impossible here! I am not used to not feeling at home and I am not used to having so little consistency in my day to day life and schedules. On top of that, I will be honest and say that there have been many times here that I have been fearful, and I am constantly on edge. On top of that, there are so many things that I gave up to come here. There are so many things that I am missing out on back home: the fun stuff on campus, the preparation for my brother’s wedding, my sisters’ sporting events, my sister’s last homecoming, I even gave up a good job that I had. With all of these things mixed together I started questioning if coming here was even a good idea. I started to feel maybe I was not supposed to be here. All of the other trips I had taken I had felt so at peace so quickly, and if I am honest I still haven't gotten to that point yet here. Don’t get me wrong, there are so many things here that I am so happy about. I know that I am so blessed to be here and to see the things I am seeing and to do the things I have been doing. However, lately I just could not shake this feeling that I had made a big mistake coming here. I did have a couple of days that I absolutely broke down. I just cried and cried. I barely left my room for three days, and I barely ate because I was so stressed I couldn't stomach any food or drink, and I barely managed to dry my tears long enough to make it through my French final. No one here knew the extent of how I was feeling because around people I am fairly good at hiding my struggles and emotions. But, at one of our Bible studies that a pastor couple from Eglise MLK, the pastor’s wife looked at me and asked me if I wanted prayer. I didn't even want to go to the Bible study that night. I didn't want to leave my room and I didn't want people to see me cry, and thats exactly what happened. I responded to her question with, “oh, why?’ and she just looked at me and I started to sob. They prayed for me to have peace and I did fell that it helped a bit. After they left my three closest friends here asked me if wanted to talk and they were very encouraging to me. I really have been blessed with good friends here. I would not have been able to do well here without them. That night they told me something that I already kind of knew, but desperately needed reminding of. I am here for a purpose, even if in this moment I can’t clearly see what that purpose is. I was even told by one of the coordinators that on paper I shouldn't be here; on paper me being here was impossible and barley even makes sense. He then went on to say that the only explanation was God and that I should be encouraged by that knowing that He wants me here for a purpose. These things are a lot easier said than done. I often know that these things are true, I just don't always necessarily feel that they are true.
Right now I believe that God is stretching me. He literally has me living my days here out of my comfort zone. I cannot say that I have had a moment here where I have had this sudden revelation or

breakthrough, but after being encouraged by those around me and after praying I do believe that He is stretching and growing me in a whole new way. I believe that my not feeling at home or feeling those common connections isn't proof that I should not be here, but rather proof that God is working in different areas in my life that maybe have not been touched before. I am walking on new ground and I am having a journey in unfamiliar places both in the physical and the spiritual. I believe this is why I have been experiencing so much discomfort and stress. Even the apostles face new confrontations and challenges whenever they traveled to new placed to spread God’s word and those challenges and even the persecutions they faced lead to the expansion of the Gospel. I believe The Lord is doing a similar work but within me. I am doing and experiencing these new things here and facing these new challenges but instead of breaking me it will make me stronger and expand in me what God has planned for me. This is going to be a daily work for me. I don't think it will be easy but I am feeling confident that I am on my way and that I am one step closer to my breakthrough and what God has planned for me.