Love & Loss

Why it has taken me so long to write the previous entry though is that the day didn't end peacefully. My parents had told me to call them when I got back from the lake. Given that I am very bad at face-timing them, I figured they were missing me and wanted to catch up. However, soon into my phone call, I realized that this wasn't the case at all. They were with Aunt Barbara and Molly at their house, and initially, I was all excited to see my favorite family members on face-time. Then, Molly broke the news to me that my Uncle Bob had passed away the day before.
I'm still processing this news right now; I have so many different emotions flowing through me. While I am devastated about his death, I am also devastated I am not at home supporting my cousins and aunt during this time. I'm also scared; Uncle Bob was such a big part of my family, my childhood, and my memories that I cannot imagine making more memories with him. I don't always feel close to my extended family members but after going to Guatemala with my aunt, uncle, and their children, all my barriers broke down in regards to their family. They were no longer my extended family; they were just

family. Every important event in my life since Guatemala I have wanted to celebrate with them. For my graduation party, I didn't want anything big. I just wanted to celebrate with my closest family: my immediate family and my Aunt Barbara, Uncle Bob, and possibly, their children. The most important people in my life. It's not that we were't close with their family before the trip; it's just that my own relationship with them deepened and strengthened after our trip. At this point, I just can't imagine the holidays and major life events without them yet now... I can't even finish this sentence I feel so lost with my feelings.
I'll never forget that graduation dinner since it was the last time I really was with my Uncle Bob. A few days later, the doctors discovered his tumor and I didn't see him again before his surgery. I'll never forgive myself for being hungover at my graduation dinner; I was so hungover that we cancelled going to Happ Inn and instead stayed in the backyard and ate Chinese food. We laughed, stuffed our little tummies, and the adults talked about the beautiful garden. My mom keeps telling me that it is okay I was hungover, it is okay that I'm in Greece right now, that this is what my uncle would have wanted. I just hope with time, I can truly believe that.