Diary, I have been having my first few rough weeks here in Athens and have decided that it is something I would like to share with you. Not everyday in Athens is going to be a happy one and I want all of my experiences and thoughts to be remembered while I am here. Thus, after talking to Tracy and my mom, I came up with a few suggestions that I am going to try here. This is what Tracy suggested to do: I would make a list of the things that are stressful and think about even the ones that might not be top of mind. Sometimes we don't realize how much something might be bothering us. (Like the ones that didn't bother you before) Think about what is different about it now. Then make some decisions about how you want or need to feel about them and what you can do about them. Sometimes there is nothing to do. We feel the feeling and let it go.
So here is my list and thoughts about each stressor:
1. Not knowing my plans for next year
2. Not knowing what I want to do with my life
These two are most terrifying but the reality is that no one ever knows the answers to these questions. I need to sit back and wait to see what happens. Something good will come my way, it always has.
3. Struggling to do well in Greek and upsetting Ageliki because of it
I need to continue to try my hardest but also realize that learning a new language isn’t my thing. In addition, as much as I want to learn Greek so that I can communicate with others, it obviously hasn’t been my priority this year and I am okay with that. It may be upsetting to Ageliki but that is her issue, not mine. I cannot let her anger impact me anymore. I will try as much as I can to improve but need to let go of the additional stress learning a new language is causing.
4. My supervisors’ mood changes and tendency to blame me when things go wrong
This will never change and I need to accept that. They love me like their own daughter and I know that. So when they are in their bad moods, I need to stay positive. This office needs positive energy and I am here to give it. These are relationships I will cherish the rest of my life so I need to remember that their grumpiness has nothing to do with me and continue to just be me.
5. I feel I haven’t made substantial relationships while being here
I need to stop being so hard on myself. I have made some really substantial relationships while being here, even if they aren't the relationships I was expecting. My two supervisors are like second parents to me and I have never been that close to other older adults before. This has been a huge stride for me. I also have made a very strong relationship with Ray. While we may not be able to spend a lot of time together, I still value how close we have become throughout the year. I plan to continue to continue to develop this relationship for the remainder of the program.
I have been sad that my relationships with both Carly and Na do not seem as strong as they were. This definitely has been one of the major stressors I have been facing but I need to understand that I do play a role in it. I have been busy the past four weekends on trips with the other girls so I haven't been here bonding with them but that is okay. I have been doing SO much travelling and have been doing a lot of self-growth, which is two of the most important things I can be doing while in Greece. Yes, I do want to keep these relationships and recognize that naturally they will become as strong as they were. However, I need to also give myself credit for doing more than I ever imagined doing while here which brings me to my mom's suggestion.
She said to think of 10 things that make me happy every morning. Since I have not yet taken her advice, I am going to list 20 for you right here.
1. I saw the Northern Lights and will never cease to be amazed.
2. I ice skated on the Eiffel Tower with four of the people I love most in this world.
3. I am living in Greece! And eating my way around the country :)
4. I have such great relationships with both my parents.
5. I have a very strong relationship with my youngest brother and do believe my relationship with Kevin is growing stronger since seeing him over Winter Break.
6. I went to Amsterdam(!!)
7. I have gone to Budapest and will be going to Prague soon!
8. I have now been to every country of my heritage.
9. My three best girlfriends and my family will be coming to see me soon(!!)
10. I ran my first 5k!
11. I will be going to the only divided capital left in the world.
12. The students I work with love me.
13. I am going to end this year feeling that I have fully satisfied my desire to travel Europe (this does not mean I don't feel the need to travel elsewhere).
14. I have accomplished so much in my short 24 years of life. I have my Master's in Social Work and I am really proud of all the work I've done to accomplish this.
15. I have a Fulbright scholarship(!!)
16. I have three kittens and one puppy, waiting to give me all the love in the world when I get home.
17. I am going to Meteora this weekend and went to Nafplio next weekend so I get to explore so much more of Greece.
18. I get to go back to Paros SO SOON!!!!
19. I will be horseback riding on the beach soon with my momma :)
20. I have engaged in so much personal self-growth this past year.