Diary, I apologize for not keeping my promise. I did not continue to write in you once a week nor did I write about my last few trips and now I am back in the United States. I have been home for a little over a month and today, last year, I had just arrived in Greece. I still haven't processed much of anything since being back home though.
I know that I am different. I know this journey has changed me. I know I am proud of the changes that occurred. Part of my issue with processing has been not knowing where to begin and when I try, I realize my thoughts are all over the place.
I will try one more time for you, Diary. I always start with my friends in Greece: Marios, Stathis, Spyros, Dimitrios, Leo, Petros, and Elias. I first noticed myself changing with these men. Thinking of them just brings me to tears. They have taught me the meaning of genuine friendship. From cruising in the car with the windows down to watching the sunset over the Acropolis to swimming in the sea together, these memories will forever be engrained in my brain. I will never forget laying in a hammock next to the Modern Olympic Stadium in Kallimarmaro gazing at the stars and listening to them laugh and talk in Grenglish. They always made an effort to include us (Carly, Na, Lauren, Ray, and I) in their conversations, which typically ended in a mix of Greek, English, and Grenglish. Their hospitality and love will follow me the rest of my life. I now know what it feels like to have my heart ripped in two: half of my life will forever be in Greece while the other half is here in the United States. I will never feel content again because part of me will always be missing. I will always be grateful for our friendship and will always strive to keep it alive.
From there, I move on to the other Fulbrighters, some of which were my 'American' friends and the lessons they have taught me. Living in the United States, I knew there were many different types of lifestyles but did not realize the extent of these differences until I arrived in Greece. Our backgrounds varied: some of us grew up in wealthy families and others grew up with parents who needed to sell drugs for a living. Lauren was 27 and still lived with her grandparents (her parents passed away when she was younger). Carly had lived on her own since she was 18 and never asked her parents for money. Na's father was a truck driver and both of her brothers were in jail. Gabriella was from one of the richest areas in New York yet struggled severely with mental health issues. All of the Fulbrighters impacted me by showing me the vast differences within the United States. It was my closest friends, however, that really set the tone. While in Greece, I watched Carly struggle sometimes with money and confidence in her future. It was these instances that really signified our differences. Money has never been an issue for me. I don't remember ever needing confidence in my future since it was just expected. I was expected to graduate high school, expected to graduate college, and expected to graduate graduate school. There wasn't room for failure, because failure wasn't an option. My future, which is now my present, was expected of me from my parents, friends, and community. Which brought me to another realization: the significant impact my friends have had on my success.
Many of Carly's friends hadn't graduated college and many are working blue collared jobs. There is nothing wrong with this but I noticed how it didn't push Carly to excel; she had already excelled by graduating college. Therefore, when Carly and I discussed continuing to travel after Greece, it seemed like a great idea to her. While at the time I thought it was a great idea, my friends directed me to think otherwise. It may not have been their words but it was their actions; they have now been working hard for a few years and I saw that and wanted that too (I think).
Then, there were my campers. Let me tell you this: Greek camp is so very different than American camp. Children in Greece are also just raised differently. They eat lunch family-style, there are no walking in lines rules, kids roam freely among the hallways, kids do not need to be taken to their parents after camp ends, etc. They did teach me something very important though and that is that children learn best with love. As a social worker, I should know this but there is nothing like seeing it. I noticed quickly how loving them created much better listeners than yelling at them. With love, I watched them learn, grow, and laugh all within three weeks of knowing each other.
There were so many other lessons I had learned but too many to process in one day so I am leaving you with that, Diary. You will be missed dearly but I'm sure I will soon have your pages memorized from reading cover to cover too many times. Goodbye for now! XO