More reflections

By yesterday, Saturday, I was feeling quite despondent for a variety of reasons but most of which lead back to cross-cultural understanding. It is a lifetime of work and as Greta says, "who can ever claim to be culturally competent? Maybe culturally sensitive..." I think I always hit a point similiar to the one yesteray on any "mission" trip I have been on. It is a circular argument as I seem to always land right where I currently am. But it starts with "what the heck am I doing here?" and "how can we possibly tackle any of these issues that people are facing?" This time, the feelings, a little despair, frustration, arguments in my mind (and in discussion with Eddie and Greta) feel deeper and harder than ever. I won't get into them here but am always open to discussing "helping without hurting" and the damage aid (and white people) has done. The list goes on.
But God sees. He knows my heart. Our hearts. We decided that I should meet the woman that supported Eddie through high school, Massa. She has taken in many children and served in many capacities

in the community. Eddie is one of the few that come back to her to say thank you. As we are sharing with the board of directors at CMA, we have to start talking to people about what we are doing and what we are looking for. You never know what might come of it. But no one can help if no one knows.
So, Eddie flagged down a KK to transport us to Massa's house. Of course, we waited out of sight so Eddie could get a price that did not charge the "transporting white people" unspoken fee. What a ride! It's risky - the KK (I wrote about it in last year's journal) is basically a three wheeled motorcycle with a shell. No doors but a bench for us to sit on. The roads are jam packed with them and it is a wild ride.
Massa has a beautfiul and gated home. We sit in the shade of her covered driveway and start sharing about what we are doing. Eddie speaks about his experience living through the war and wanting to give back to Liberia. Then I share about our 501(c)3 and what we are trying to do. She asks some questions for clarification including specific questions about the Ministry of Education and process, etc. This is exactly the kinds of things we don't understand but have strong suspicions that we should (especially after my school visits and the three of us visiting Eddie's former principal). Massa is thinking, you can tell. And then she says, "I can help you with this." And she makes a call to connection in the ministry and then we carry on talking and planning. First, she says, we (which will now be Jaye and Massa) need to meet with the CMA board and provide them a clearer picture of what it takes to open a school (because really that is what we are doing as CMA has been very informal). I like Massa a lot and over the conversation time, I am liking her more and more, and I think we can make a good pair. The three of us are grinning ear to ear because this is an answer to an unspoken prayer. Mainly because you don't know what you don't know. But as I mentioned our suspicions were growing that we and the CMA board were not clear on the things that go into establishing a school. Praise be! Did I mention we were all beaming? What a relief! What a gift! God sees our need. Knows our shortcomings and helps us.
I was literally lifted up in my heart and mind. God does not fail me. I ask for affirmation/confirmation of being here and just when I feel like I am at the end of my rope, there is light. There a new "thing" that changes my outlook. I am so fickle in my faith (I don't think I am alone here) and I start to worry and doubt and wonder. Never mind that I have already been through conversations with myself, with God, with others, that I have carried doubt and frustration and yet worked through it all to be here in Liberia now. And here I go again, allowing the discouragement to get at me.
Isaiah 43:18-19 has resonated with me for the last year plus (I even memorized it in French).
18 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 19 See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
There are so many things to let go of, to forget about that have happened in the past. I know God is making a path in the wilderness - where I could not see there was any way of that ever happening. I felt so long like I was wondering in the wilderness. However, I can also argue and we should not totally forget all the former things. Because remembering what God has done for me in the past gives me hope today. I will not forget what He has done for me. Amen?
And the rest of day was spent sitting in the craziest, wildest traffic that makes you clinch your eyes shut allo while sweaty and dusty and wanting an ice cold coke badly. And there was grocery shopping and more conversation of course. But today. Today was a really good day in the scheme of things.